Falling
by DeityOfDeath
Summary: Naruto thinks about his fall from grace and into loves abyss.


**Title: Falling Again  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Naruto/sasuke, Naruto/various  
Category: Drama, romance, slash, yaoi, Smut, Mpreg  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg, Angst SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Naruto or its chars. They are property of major companies. **

**Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! This is the prequel or beginning of a twisted story I thought up and decided to write because my muses are very persistent. I know most of you probably want me to finish a few of my other series but as I said, my muses are very persistent. Please read and Enjoy!**

**Falling **

Why is it that it always feels like I'm falling? Maybe it's because I am.

l fell from a mother's body I never knew and then I fell into the curse of the fox demon or otherwise known as Kyuubi. After that I fell out of favor with just about everyone on the village I was born into. I fell from one set of arms to another, from one home to another. I am always falling. I "fell" down a lot and "fell" into puddles, mud and trash the ponds and lakes around us.

I fell from tree after tree and fell trying to catch up with those in my class. I could never catch them. I always saw their backs and shadows and it seemed as though the back of their heads had faces that laughed at my futile attempts. Always their backs and when I wasn't seeing their backs I was seeing them with their happy families. They would hug and talk of things that seemed simple and yet I wanted to have those same conversations. I wanted to have someone ask me what we should have for dinner and I wanted someone to ask me how my day was.

I didn't have to imagine them laughing at me, a lot of the time they would do so openly and without reserve. I preferred the open taunting of children to the cruel whispering insults and gossip of the adults or the cruel whispered warnings to not play with me or go near me. Each word and each laugh a terrible fall a terrible ache deep inside. My soul is falling into the hole that has opened inside my heart.

I hid my pain with a large grin and by giving others another reason to laugh at me. I strived and worked hard at my ninja skills and yet, I could never accomplish what I wanted or improve in any way. So I since I couldn't get attention by improving my skills I got it by causing havoc and making jokes.

Most deemed me a pest and thus began to hate me more while the children I went to school found me to be a fool. I had never known what caused their immense hate and dislike of me and it took the betrayal of a teacher for me to find out.

I felt I would fall forever and then I found that even I could find someone who would approach me and talk to me about those mundane things that I so yearned to discuss. I had Iruka Sensei and upon working with Kakashi Sensei, Sasuke and Sakura I had made another set of friends. My friend list grew and grew and with it so did the list of the people I would give my life to protect.

Soon I had more friends than I could count and it seemed as if my life couldn't get any better and then there was Sasuke. Sasuke was a person who I had deemed a rival. A rival for attention, Sakura and acknowledgement. Without him I wouldn't have gotten as far.

The same Sasuke who was marked by Orochimaru. The same Sasuke who wanted to fight me and then the same Sasuke who abandoned his friends and his village to gain power with Orochimaru. When did the one I admired and thought of as a friend start hating me? When did he start thinking of me as an obstacle?

I trained with Jiraiya and Sasuke went to train with Orochimaru and I went after him with Tsunade-baba's permission and a group to assist. We had been whittled down one by one until only I remained and then I faced Sasuke.

I discovered that my death would bring him closer to defeating his brother and still I fought him. The thought that our friendship and camaraderie meant nothing to him leading me and helping me find the spirit to fight him and then I blacked out. I woke up on Kakashi Sensei's back with Pakun following beside us. I blacked out again but when I awoke in the hospital with Sasuke's headprotecter in my hand. The leaf symbol of Konoha slashed across, a remembrance of my struggle with Sasuke.

It took days for me to heal and even longer for my heart to heal. I had decided to go after Sasuke and I had almost succeeded. I had lost him again and with that many chances came up and I lost those as well.

It seemed as if I was destined to lose him as well as my heart.

I smile and I train and I continue living. I live with the guilt and regret and more than anything I live with the hatred.

Maybe one day we'll meet again.

Until then I'll continue to fall, all the while praying that someone below has a net to catch me and the shattered pieces of my heart.

To Be Continued in the next Story Falling Again

Kat


End file.
